~ Hematoma by Matteo Polk ~

 

Author : Matteo Polk

Title: Hematoma

Pages: 274

Release date: 2020 August 25

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Rating: ★★★★★

Blurb:

A dangerous and erotic S&M vampire thriller . . .

Shay Kinsey's body reads pain as pleasure. He indulges his masochism through body modification, but this practice often brings him more shame than relief--that is, until his desires put him under the needle of the mysterious and alluring tattoo artist Ricky.

When Ricky reveals his vampiric nature, Shay is offered a chance to give in to his impulses in an S&M relationship that promises deep intimacy, and even deeper pain. But with Ricky's affection comes the attention of the city's secret vampire organization, seemingly hell-bent on separating the two. 

As Shay falls into the dual dark worlds of lust and vampires, he is increasingly unable to figure out who to trust. Should Shay trust the enigmatic, ancient, and handsome Ricky--the first man to indulge his erotic fantasies? Or should he trust the cryptic vampire society trying to infiltrate his life? 

As Shay searches for the answers, Ricky begins to leave his mark on Shay in far more than ink.

My review: 

It's so hard to write about this book without spoilers. And it's hard, because I'm still a wreck; I finished it 2 days ago, but I still can't get over it. It broke me into million pieces. It gave me all the emotions and questions I don't have answer for. 

I started reading this book with one thing in mind; it's heavy on the S/M scenes and has vampires in it, so it would be an amazing read. What I haven't considered was that it would break me. That it would give me this many feelings and doubt. That after finishing the book the only thing that I'll be capable of is staring at the wall and re-playing the book in my head all the time. Questioning everything. Where was the moment when the story changed, where was the moment when I should have recognized something, where... where was Ricky... and why, and Shay. I was just as blind as Shay. 

"This is how things had been for years. I wad addicted to pain and the sexual release it brought me, completely enveloped in my vice."

I loved reading the book. The S/M scenes were really well written, they were so, so HOT, especially the needle play. Loved reading when Ricky and Shay got together and played. The body modifications were really cool too, loved the tattoos and piercings, and it was both erotic and sweet when Ricky made those with Shay. 

"The ink on my arms and the holes in my face were trophies of my desire, my arms an interlacing bramble of roses and other flora. But I had become addicted to body modification, and it was a costly lifestyle..."

The paranormal side of the story, the vampires and the Society... they were interesting, and I loved when Ricky opened up and told Shay about how he got turned and what he did. And the Society... I still don't know what to think. I had one thing on my mind while reading - without Leah, everything would have been amazing, and those things wouldn't have happened. I want to believe in that, because I'm deeply romantic and I want that to be the right thing. 

But on the other hand, it's hard to accept that this isn't how this works. I'm just as blind as Shay, and want to believe. 

I immediately went to the author's website for more info about the book, and just about everything... and that was the moment when I realized what exactly this book was about. As I said, I was blind to all of that happening and I wanted to believe in the romance. 

"Why did I have to have this sick thing inside me that forced me to give everything up? Friends, love, sex. Everything disappeared because of my erotic addiction to pain."

This book has many trigger warnings, but the biggest isn't anywhere, that is in the storyline, that one is for you to see and feel. For you to decide. 

Hematoma broke me. It's on my all time favorite books list, and if someone asks me which is the one book I recommend to read, this would be the one. I need everyone to read this book! It's beautiful, it's hurtful, it's everything and more. 

And it can be healing for someone too. 

Congratulations for this amazing masterpiece! 

*I'm thinking about re-reading again, now without the pink-glasses...